Who am I?
My name is Elloquay E Kyni. I have worked with others as a practitioner since 2015, bringing together energy medicine, meditation, sound, prayer, and compassionate inquiry.
My work has grown through years of study and personal healing, and through a relationship with the sacred that began in childhood.
A Road of Remembering
As a child, I had a deep connection with Jesus, with the woods, and with the loving presence I felt while singing praise to the sacred in church. I would walk in the woods and talk with Jesus, feeling his steady presence, calm, peaceful and full of loving kindness. In church I would sing to the holy, name the holy, and warm, golden light would flow like honey through me. In those moments I knew beyond knowing that I was loved.
The Forgetting
As I grew up life became more painful, more complicated. My family moved and there were no longer woods to walk in. We stopped going to church and there was no praise and singing together the names of the holy. The relationship to Jesus, to the golden light of love, faded into the background, replaced with pain, confusion, fear, and the rapid movement of all that is external in this world. A hollow, empty sense of separation replaced the bright-eyed innocence, buried the joy and obscured the peace.
I learned ways of coping, of getting by, like we all do, in a world that doesn't really seem to make much sense. For me, being busy would work for a time, then in my late teens it became being busy with drugs and alcohol. I had a sense, even then, that I was trying to fill the space of separation and emptiness. I just never wanted to be where I was, or who I was, at any given time. And that way of living deepened for many, many years.
It worked, a little bit, the being busy, the doing, the checking out through substances. But it never filled me, never closed the gap of separation and fear I felt inside.
In truth, it was actually helping to widen the distance. When I would stop, when I would go in, I felt hollow, separate, alone and longing for the depth of inner life I had tasted as a child. That longing for relationship with the sacred, with myself, with the truth of love as source light, grew right along with me until it finally cracked through the brittle surface of pain and learned habits of distraction, revealing the depth of suffering and self-abandonment I was living. I began to want to wake up.
Awakening Begins
It happened slowly. I wanted to wake up, but didn't know how, and the pain and deeply entrenched habits were tough to address. I didn't really have any accessible tools, just faded memories of what alive was and a longing to live differently- well, actually, it was more like I wanted to start living the life I was already having.
I walked into the rooms of AA at 29 years old. I was, at the time, a wife, a mother, and a very scared and hurting little girl. In AA I began waking up, cleaning up, and recognizing more clearly what was happening in my life. There was meaningful change: breaking of old habits, recognition of patterns and threads of cause and effect. I began to come back home to myself. But I was still constantly thinking, analyzing, processing, seeking another understanding, another “aha!”
While I was now sober, the underlying pain and suffering didn’t clear, didn’t heal in me. I was still keeping busy and living in my mind and its stories, all the while the gaping sense of separation, emptiness and suffering remained.
The longing for Truth and wholeness continued to pull me, calling me to keep going deeper. AA, as a method, couldn’t get me all the way home. I needed another method, and in exploring that, I found Peruvian shamanism.
The Beauty Way of Healing
Learning to Remember
I spent fifteen dedicated years learning, training, healing, and returning home through shamanic practice.
I learned that I had stories, and that I wasn’t my stories. I had thoughts; I wasn’t my thoughts. I had experiences throughout my life, and I was not a collection of those experiences.
I learned I had maps- constructed patterns of personality. They were unconscious and dictating how I moved in my life, and could be illuminated and healed. I learned that discomfort can be sacred, not a thing to fix or move away from, but useful and informative. I learned to inquire into what was happening in the moment and to question the identity I had built around my experience.
Remembering Becomes Lived Experience
I began clearing the lifetimes of dense energy distorting my energy field. I came back into relationship with my inner child and began attending her, not abandoning and ignoring her, but seeing her, holding her, and listening to her, helping her grow up.
My studies included working with living energy, energetic clearing and illumination, shamanic journeying, death and death rites, and a mesa—a medicine bundle. Harmony returned to my belly, heart and third eye energy centers, and I could walk in what is called the Beauty Way- right action (belly), right loving (heart) and right seeing (third eye).
I received and learned to offer rites passed down through the Q’ero lineage. I remembered my relationship with trees, water, fire, earth, and breath, and with the cycles and seasons of nature and my own being.
Awareness Clears the Road
I came back into awareness of my true nature. Stillness, strength and courage, loving kindness, innocence and joy returned to my lived experience. Purification, meditation, reading and reflecting on dharma, gathering in healing community, all of these became my habits.
In 2015, after graduating from a healer training program in energy medicine, I began working with others. The foundational teachings brought together Peruvian shamanism, Buddhism, Sufism, psychodynamic work, true nature teachings, and the lived experience of my teachers.
The road of awakening eventually led me to kirtan—the devotional singing of sacred names and prayers— and the return of voice and song, of holy names and love as the foundation of life. Devotion became the natural expression of my heart, and of my life.
Light language became foundational to my healing. Light language is sounds- words, phrases and tones- that are first felt in the spirit, and then expressed through song and speech. It directly bypasses the thinking mind, communicating directly with the soul. It is sacred sound in its mystic form.
The Teachings Pointing Home
I began listening to Ram Dass, reading the Bhagavad Gita, the Ramayana and the words of Ramana Maharshi. I received mantra, and came into deep relationship with Hanuman, whose frequency is one of absolute devotion to the beloved.
The teachings of Advaita Vedanta, of non-dual awareness, reach the depths of my being and awaken awareness of the Self, of living oneness. While I’ve suffered greatly with the feeling of separation and the pain and fear that arose from that feeling, it was the deeply held belief of being separate that actually caused me to suffer. It was a misunderstanding that needed understanding. There is no gap of separation to overcome. There is clearing the vision to recognize there is no separation.
I had to go all the way through to come back to where I’d never left, to the true reality of no separation. All the way around, and over and under, to find myself back in the knowing of absolute love I felt as a child in the woods with Jesus, to discover the truth of what is- absolute existence, absolute consciousness, absolute bliss.
Living Alive
The Medicine of Love
Through these years of work, I have regained a spacious, loving, and honest relationship with myself and how I move in the world. This has allowed deeper relationships with those I love and a capacity to move through life without fear driving me.
Shame, the harmful inner critic, and looping patterns have softened and released, making room for a curious, kind, and openhearted way of being alive. The belief in emptiness, separation and struggle has been falling away to reveal wholeness and light. My relationship with Self is sacred.
I am still me, with a personality and a worldview, but I don't have to take my personality seriously or be attached to my worldview. I can just see them. I can recognize my ego self, see her with love, and attend to the places where she is still young and needs help. She now has room to grow, heal, and be.
I continue to walk the road, to forget and remember and bring awareness home, here and now, to where the road is clear and the steps are light.
What I Bring to Others
Loving Kindness
Because of the depths of pain, fear and suffering I have known, I have deep compassion and acceptance for the lived experience of being human. I’m not here to fix you.
My role is to be a loving, insightful guide as you discover and strengthen your own capacity to heal.
Wisdom Healing & Teaching
My skills have grown through teachings and trainings, my own healing, and years of working with others. I know how to sit with sacred discomfort and explore the information it may be pointing toward. I have a deep well of teachings, tools and intuition, along with the wisdom of lived experience that teaches how to properly use them. I offer space for you to recognize the space within you, and reclaim it. Discernment, intuition, compassion, and curiosity guide how I meet you.
I bring my flashlight and help you find yours, so you too can remember your own innate wisdom, value, joy, and capacity.
If you’d like to walk the road together, I am here.
I offer individual sessions online and in person in Portland, Oregon.